US mid-twentysomethings are at the point where we haven't quite figured how to balance the relationship scales, often tilting unfavourably in the direction of our other halves and consequently leaving our friendships balancing precariously. Singledom might not be easy, but being part of a couple has its own pitfalls.
The teens were for tantrums and drama, modelled on a framework of Dawson's Creek, and were a combination of fleeting 'romances' and over-stretched 'serious relationships', usually with an obligatory pregnancy scare and cheating revelation thrown in for good measure. The early twenties involved a handful of whirlwind engagements, a few attempts at long-distance uni-to-uni relationships, and a revolving door for the most part.
Relationships for the mid-twentysomethings seem to involve living in each other's thread-bare pockets relatively early on, before deciding to make the jump and move in with each other. Even before this takes place, there is a noticeable change in relation to your identity, namely you don't have one anymore.
All invites are now jointly addressed. This isn't unfair of your friend, rather an unspoken acknowledgement of the fact that, when two people enter coupledom, their ability to function independently only operates on a nine to five basis, just enough time to work for a living. Outside these hours a strange phenomenon takes hold and decisions become a two-headed affair.
Two become one, so to speak, which can hinder one's social life in a number of ways.
There is a breed of couple, the slobbery couple, who make socialising particularly uncomfortable for the singleton and even repugnant to the majority of other couples out there. We all know at least one such couple. You know the type: There are two seats, but they prefer to strain the legs of one bar stool. There is cutlery, but they prefer the 'suck on my finger' method. During the teen years they were the 'porn tongues' couple with a penchant for Twister, and I'd imagine in later years they become what is known as the 'swinging' couple. This type of couple most definitely upsets the delicate balance of the relationship scales.
Another hindrance to socialising can come in the form of the 'Solitary Text Policy'. "Why send two texts when one will suffice?" This is where a friend only sends one text, assuming both of you will read it. If this is the case, then how come this doesn't apply to housemates? They get individual text messages, as it is understood that there is still autonomy for the collective Roomies. For couples, however, this means that if one can't make it then the other will remain in blissful ignorance, as the message joins 850 undeleted messages in the phone graveyard know as the 'inbox'. Eventually couples become aware of the Solitary Text Policy and pass the message on, but who gets the solitary text remains a sore point.
The odd occasion will arise where a couple will split into two for an evening. Unfortunately, there is the compulsive Texter to contend with. This is another variety of couple, the 'have their cake and eat it' couple, whereby they think it is enough to meet with friends without really listening or partaking in conversation. They choose instead to contact their missing loved one, occasionally interjecting loved-up anecdotes, whilst you become accustomed to a constant hum in the air from a vibrating Motorola on the beer-garden table. "Ah, he misses me..."Click-clickclickclick-clickclick. "Er, what were you saying?"
Other couples manage to remain socially aware and, despite making joint appearances, successfully mingle. They of course coordinate their appearance, arriving together, leaving together, but can hold a conversation and manage to feed themselves. Holding onto individuality may, however, still be an issue.
For example, amongst my friends there's a trend of affectionately referring to our loved-up friends by an amalgamation of their names. Steph and Jon are no more, instead there is only Jeff, and I am now one half of Jen. I can't help but think that being grouped with another person is just how it is, whether with a sibling as a child or with a best friend as a teenager, but it serves well to remember that keeping your identity is important for keeping your friends.
